iless (iless) wrote in pixelatedx,

[x] Name - Amanda
[x] Age - 19
[x] Location - Arkansas, U.s.
[x] Name some bands/music you like - rainer maria; rilo kiley; oldies.
[x] Interests - photography; french; writing; documentaries
[x] Put a lyric/line that you adore &why - and if indeed this was like a first marriage, then you and i, together, can be like divorcees. i like it because i can apply it to an old relationship of mine and feel like it was more than it actually was.
[x] What/who do you respect &why - i respect opinions because if everyone's were supposed to be the same then they wouldn't be opinions. right? right.
[x] What do you adore - very good writing.
[x] What gets under your skin - unreturned phonecalls
[x] Who do you idolize - anais nin. she was a genius.
[x] Is there anything you can relate to, if so what &why - not telling the truth because it is very hard sometimes.
[x] Why do you want to join this community - it seems different.
[x] Include some of your artwork/writing/pictures etc, at the end -
The day she died I woke up to eat breakfast and
Walk down the stairs to my room. Outside it was green
And my stomach hurt. I didn't care that it was immoral,
But I thought that making decisions for the dying was
Legitimate enough to convince me that
the sex from the night before was okay.
Everyone was comparing their actions to the family
By the ocean, the woman withering away; her bones
Would soon turn to dust but her face was still swollen.
I thought about my actions, to browse the consequences of
Having sex without love, and she was in her bed dying.
I don't know if she knew she was even alive still, but I
Wanted to call someone and ask them to decide what I should
Do about the bed I woke up in that morning. If I should
Leave someone who wouldn't care in the first place, or if
I should love the one that I wasn't capable of loving.
He had already moved, and I knew that I was like the woman
In her bed, waiting for someone to let her die. So I took all
Of my clothes off and laid in bed until I realized that
I did not own these bodies that I wanted to possess. No
Matter how many times I woke up alone or with someone else,
They still let her die, and I stayed sick because I couldn't make
Myself better.
i pretended that i could last this long.
and there was something in your hand
that broke me. slipped grip in dark seats;
i used to cry in movie theaters, now i
sit in bathrooms while the mirrors slice
through my brain. my eyes make me look
old and swallow my face, i'm slinging
accents in your ears, pretending i'm not from
here. i walk around town like a tourist,
heavy cameras from neck over my heart
and i think of pictures, i try to swim through all the dark
thoughts. but i choke on everything. i choke
on every drop of skin i ever managed to
suck from your hands.
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